


A Futile Endeavor

by tobeconspicuous



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: A sprinkle of canon, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, First Kiss, M/M, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Soulmates, bangan, finding each other, name on the wrist, that old cliche
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-15
Updated: 2018-07-15
Packaged: 2019-06-10 20:11:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15299130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tobeconspicuous/pseuds/tobeconspicuous
Summary: Trevor Langan has spent all of his life searching for his soulmate, Rafael Barba has done everything in his power to avoid meeting his. Fate has other plans.





	A Futile Endeavor

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed to be a short tumblr prompt and it turned into this. Also the first in my soulmate AU challenge. 
> 
> Special thanks as always to ChameleonCircuit for their wonderful support for acting as a beta for this fic, there's a hint at something special for you. They really make my writing so much better.
> 
> Also huge thanks to Darkmore, for discussing this universe in depth. and helping out with the name and summary. And too all the other lovely people who cheered me on and helped me to write this. Thank you.
> 
> I do not own, only enjoy, and I hope you do too. Feedback is very much appreciated

Ever since he was a child Trevor Langan knew that he was different. The fancy curl that ran up his left wrist, twisted loops the spelled out the name of the person he was to spend the rest of his life with, told him this. He had vague memories of when the scrawl first appeared on his wrist, of his father’s stern look and his mother’s soft frown.

His family were old money and because of that his future had been planned from birth. He would attend the best schools, then would go off to Yale to study law. Finally, he would then marry Elizabeth Katherine Emily Brown, a girl of suitable breeding, and have at least two children for them to dote upon.

The name on his wrist when he was three years, two months and nine days old had ruined those plans. They hadn’t expected a name so obviously foreign, so obviously male, to appear on his wrist.

Still, the Langan’s were a practical family, and once the initial shock had worn off they went about changing their plans for Trevor. He still attended the best schools, still went off to Yale to study law. But Elizabeth Katherine Emily Brown ended up marrying his younger brother, and one aspect of Trevor’s future was left to chance.

Love.

\--

Rafael Barba looked at the name on his wrist and screamed. After shoving him against the wall, Lopez had ripped off his wrist cuff, revealing the rough scrawl beneath. Clearly he had seen the name there, and it was enough to make the bully pause. Rafael used the moment to push Lopez away from him and run as fast as he could, straight to his abuelita’s apartment.

He had barely said hello as he ran past her, down the hall, and locked himself in the bathroom. Now it was just him, and the thick, black, overly large, overly masculine name staring back at him. He sent a silent prayer to whomever was listening that Lopez didn’t get a chance to read the name, that he wouldn’t realize it was a man’s name. The sinking feeling in his stomach told him that it was no use, that by lunchtime tomorrow the entire school would know that Rafael’s soulmate was a man.

There was a quiet knock on the door, followed by the sweet sound of his abuelita’s voice. “Rafael, are you alright?”

“I’m fine, abuelita,” He called back, forcing a happy tone to his voice. “Just a long day.”

He knew she could tell something was wrong. “Can I get you something? Tea?”

“I’m fine,” he repeated, sinking to the floor with a sigh. If he just kept repeating it to himself, maybe it would be true. “I’m fine.”

\--

The first time Trevor heard the name blandly announced by their teacher during roll call, his head whipped up and he scanned the room. Rafael Loredo was a sweet boy, dark brown hair, honey colored eyes and a lopsided smile. Every time Trevor saw him his heart beat a little faster and the room felt a little warmer.

He’d lay in bed at night, listening to his roomates snores and pictured winding his finger’s through messy locks. He dreamed of peppering Rafael’s face with kisses, running his hands over him, over bare skin. Every morning he’d wake up a sticky mess with flashes of honey brown eyes clouding his mind.

It took months but eventually Trevor worked up the courage to walk over to Rafael after class one day. He stood back for a moment and studied the form in front of him. He was sturdy and muscular, unlike Trevor, who was all long limbs and tall. He threw his head back in laughter, his entire body always animated, unlike Trevor who was quiet and reserved.

He took another step forward and watched as Rafael reached up, his naked wrist on display. Trevor’s heart stopped, and his head spun as he saw the delicate scrawl than ran up Rafael’s wrist.

 _Silvia_.

\--

Even in summer, when the air was sticky and it felt as though he would melt into the pavement, Rafael would keep his wrist covered. Still, whispers would follow him, down narrow streets and alleys. His neighbors eyes would sharpen, staring at him as though he had done something horrible. His classmates would grab at him, trying to remove his wrist band. Rafael had grown smarter, he wore the band tight, never wanting the name below to be revealed.

Eddie was always there, knuckles bloodied telling Rafael to run. Alex would be close behind them, ready to talk them out of whatever detention a teacher would try to give. They were los tres mosqueteros de Jerome Avenue, they always had his back.

Even so, the isolation slowly ate at him. He found himself spending more time in the public library reading, researching, studying. That was where he met Lauren Sullivan, who looked at him with big blue eyes and gold colored curls. After weeks of chatting they soon became friends, and Rafael felt a little less alone.

Some days, when they didn’t feel like studying she would take Rafael down to the bleachers and they’d sit on the pavement and count all the places where the paint scratched off. One afternoon, as they started up at the rusting metal, he leaned over and pressed a gentle kiss to her mouth. She kissed him back and they spent the afternoon enjoying each other under the bleachers, and for a moment everything was perfect.

The next day when Lauren wasn’t at the library Rafael tried not to worry, nor did he the day after. Then a week went by, then another month, and he realized Lauren wasn’t returning. Once more he was alone.

\--

When Trevor looked at his schedule his heart fluttered. Professor Rafael Martin would be taking his Revolutionary France course. He ensured that he was early on the first day of class so he could get a seat in the front. Soon the lecture hall filled and a buzzing swept over the room. Trevor felt his knee begin to bounce, impatient for his potential soulmate to arrive. The door to the hall banged open and a silver haired man crashed into the room.

“Good morning,” his voice was as stern as his face. “I am Rafael Martin, and I will be your professor for this semester.” He turned to write his name in white chalk on the large blackboard.

Trevor couldn’t help but feel a pang of disappointment as the angle didn’t allow him to see the name on Rafael’s wrist. He tried to concentrate on the lecture, but his eyes followed every movement Rafael made. Every word written, every wave of the arm, every shout was just another chance to catch a glimpse of the dark scrawl.

All too soon the lecture was over, Rafael advised what his office hours were and practically fled, leaving the door to slam loudly behind him. Trevor sat in stunned silence for a moment before he packed up his belongings and contemplated approaching the harsh looking professor. He decided against it, he didn’t want to make a fool of himself after all.

Instead he lay awake at night, trying to picture a future with Rafael Martin, but something felt off. The following week when he saw the name Emily delicately scrawled on Rafael’s wrist, a sense of relief washed over Trevor. It was then he remembered that Rafael’s name appeared on his own wrist when he was three, which meant his soulmate had to be younger than him. Trevor stroked the name on his wrist lightly before he turned his focus towards the lecture, his hope once more renewed.

\--

Yelina Olivio was the most stunning creature that Rafael had ever met. Her hair felt like silk in his finger’s and her smile lit up every room she walked into. Each kiss they shared was full of laughter, light and carefree.

She never questioned the name on his wrist, never judged him for the fact it was a man’s name etched into his tanned skin. She had only asked him about it once, and accepted the fact that he wasn’t interested in finding his soulmate. She kissed him thoroughly and told him it didn’t matter, that was when Rafael knew that he was in love.

But at night he would lay in bed and watch her sleeping, a sinking feeling in his stomach. The name on her wrist worried him more than he cared to admit. The blockish script was as familiar as the name it spelled out, _A-L-E-J-A-N-D-R-O._

Rafael held onto Yelina for as long as possible, before he finally let her go. Even though he was happy for his friends, for Yelina, his heart still ached for something that could never be his. Once more he threw himself into study hoping that when he finally arrived at Harvard, he would be able to escape.

\--

Moonlight was streaming through the window, bathing Rafael Ortega in a brilliant white glow. Trevor lay next to him, tracing patterns along his delicate skin. It had taken them two months to finally get to this point, and it had been worth it. Trevor was glad his first time was with someone as patient, as kind, as loving as Rafael had been. Trevor couldn’t believe how lucky he was as he ran his hand down Rafael’s bare arm and towards the band covering his wrist.

“You’re tickling me,” he faintly murmured.

Trevor withdrew his hand. “Sorry.”

“It’s fine,” he wiggled his way up against the bed, brown hair flopping in his eyes. “Curious eh?”

“Aren’t you?” Trevor raised his own covered wrist.

Rafael’s laughter was soft. “Show you mine if you show me yours.” Trevor nodded, his heart racing as he watched Rafael unbuckle the cuff on his wrist. “Ta da.” Trevor felt his heart sink at the messy scribble on his arm. “Yeah, I can barely make out the name.” That didn’t stop him from tracing the letters fondly. “Let’s see yours.”

Trevor moved down to his cuff and slowly began to unbutton it. The accessory was new, but necessary. His summer internship had demanded that they all hide their soulmate’s names, and he had become so used to wearing it. He had never felt more naked than he did the moment the fabric fell loose and revealed his own delicate penmanship.

“ _Rafael_?” Trevor felt his heart break as Rafael’s voice quivered. “Is that the reason why we’re here?”

“No,” Trevor reached out to grab him. “I mean it was the initial reason I approached you but--”

“You’re chasing your soulmate, aren’t you?” He flinched away.

Trevor tried to explain, but nothing came out.

“You know how rare finding your soulmate actually is?”

“Statistically yes--”

“Then why bother?” The question made Trevor’s heart race. Why indeed?

“I have hope,” he wanted his answer to be as honest as possible. “That I’ll find them one day.”

“So what happens with us then?” Rafael’s voice was becoming increasingly hysterical.

Trevor’s face furrowed in confusion. “What do you mean?”

“Now you know I’m not your soulmate?” Rafael glare made him wince.

“Nothing,” Trevor tried to reach out to Rafael but he flinched away. “I still want to be with you--”

“Only until your soulmate comes along,” his words were sharp and hurtful.

“No,” he tried to plead, though from the look on Rafael’s face he knew his words were in vain. “Of course not. I--”

“Just get out,” Rafael’s voice shook with anger.

“I love you.” Trevor’s murmur was met with a cold stare.

Rafael didn’t say anything until he was closing his door in Trevor’s face. “No, you don’t.”

\--

It was the harsh beep of an alarm which woke Rafael from his deep sleep. Rolling over, he reached to quiet it. Instead of hitting the radio, his hand came into contact with a stuffed toy. His eyes snapped open and he glanced around the room. He wasn’t in his own bed, he was in Rita’s.

A gently mumbled ‘fuck’ escaped from his lips as he summoned the strength to sit up and reach over to turn off the alarm. He forced himself out of bed and quickly dressed himself before he finally strode out of the bedroom and into the kitchen.

Rita was dressed in a simple nightgown and humming to herself as she cooked breakfast. Rafael silently padded over and wrapped his arms around her slender waist. The loud exacerbated sigh she let out made him chuckle, and he pressed a kiss to her shoulder before he finally let go.

“What’s for breakfast?” He asked as he poured himself a cup of coffee.

Her reply was short. “Just eggs.”

“Hmmm,” Rafael hummed, sipping at the lukewarm beverage in his hands. “Any bacon?”

“This is not a bed and breakfast,” Rita snapped. “If you’re not happy, leave.”

“What crawled up your ass?” He rolled his eyes before reaching for the paper. “Ugh, you started the crossword without me.”

“Rafael--”

“Yes, Rita?”

“I thought we were going to stop this,” She turned to reach over his head for plates.

He decided to humor her. “We did, then we didn’t.”

“What does that even mean?” Rita groaned as she plated the eggs. “We don’t work as a couple.”

Rafael had to agree with that. “I know, but we do work well in bed.”

Rita pulled a face. “You were a nice distraction--”

“I’m sensing a but here.”

“--But finals are fast approaching” she murmured. “Neither of us need the distraction.”

“What if we just blow off steam together,” he speared some egg with his fork. “Exams are stressful.”

“True,” Rita’s chuckle was warm. “If I get desperate I know who to call.”

“That was uncalled for,” Rafael feigned hurt.

“Besides,” She ignored him. “You can now go forth and try to seduce Mickey.”

“Yeah,” he hummed in agreement. “Who knows, he may be the love of my life.”

Rita’s laugh warmed him to his soul, he was so glad that he found her on that first day of classes. In her he had rediscovered his happiness, he had found his best friend.

“I doubt it,” her response broke him from his thoughts. “That would be the owner of the name you keep well hidden.”

“Perhaps,” Rafael looked down at the sleek band he only removed when alone.

“They must be real special to have you as their soulmate, Rafael,” her smile reached her honey colored eyes. “Will you ever let me see their name?”

“Maybe,” Rafael murmured, he was unsure if he’d ever let anyone see the word on his wrist. “One day.”

\--

Alexandra Cabot was a fine lawyer and a good friend. She and Trevor had met when she was interning at his father’s firm. He had been tasked to supervise her and they hit it off straight away. It had been years, but they still kept in contact and made a point of having dinner at least once every other month.

Depositions had taken longer than expected, and Trevor found himself striding into the restaurant twenty minutes after he was supposed to arrive. As he walked towards their usual table he noticed two familiar figures hovering over Alex. Trevor couldn’t help but chuckle. It looked as though he wasn’t the only one unable to escape from work.

He drew closer, picking up on their conversation, and his stomach churned at the topic. Child abuse. Alex noticed him, a small smile forming on her face. Trevor took that as his queue to make his presence known.

“None to ACS or the local precinct,” Benson sounded tired, the case clearly weighing on her mind.

“Look,” Stabler’s voice always put him on edge. “We already have Lynch on failing to report José's abuse.”

“An A misdemeanor?” Trevor knew he sounded smug, but he couldn’t help but interrupt. “With no priors I'd argue for a fine and no jail time.”

“I think Alex is dining with the enemy,” Benson’s comment stung more than he cared to admit.

Alex looked up at him, a small frown on her face. “Can you give us two minutes?”

“Yeah,” He smiled politely before he made his move to leave. “The game's on at the bar. Why don't I check that out?”

With all three pairs of eyes on him he turned and made his way to the bar where basketball was blaring on the TV. He grinned at the familiar colors. Yale was playing Harvard. It had been years since he had played himself, and he still enjoyed watching his alma mater make their rival team bleed crimson.

He sat down at the bar and flagged the barman, a handsome young man with short black hair. “What’ll it be.”

“Whiskey, neat,” he ordered before flicking his eyes down to look at the man’s name badge. “Thanks, Rafael.”

Automatically Trevor’s eyes flicked over the barman’s bare wrists. Though the scrawl on his wrist was beautiful and loopy, it certainly didn’t read Trevor. He forced a smile as he paid for his drink before he turned his attention back to the game, ignoring the pang of disappointment that he still hadn’t found his own Rafael.

\--

“Rafael!”

He cringed at the sound of his name called. Mickey’s voice always seemed to set him on edge recently. Just another sign that their relationship was drawing to a close.

He had first met Mickey during his senior year at Harvard. Rita had dragged him along to visit her family in long Island, and Mickey was there. Young, handsome and very much Rafael’s type.

They had spent the summer flirting, discussing culture, films, theatre and law. Mickey was also studying law, at Columbia rather than Harvard, though he wanted to be a defense attorney much to Rafael’s disgust.

It had taken successful Bar exam results and a copious amount of alcohol for the two of them to finally fall into bed together. That was several years ago, and somehow they had managed to make it work. For a time.

Mickey was on the fast track to partnership at his firm while Rafael was enjoying his new position with the Brooklyn DA’s office. Tensions were high and they found themselves fighting more often than not. They were both unhappy, yet neither was willing to admit that it was over.

“Rafael,” he couldn’t help but eye Mickey off as he walked through the door. “I need to talk to you.”

“What?” The harshness of his tone surprised them both. He softened his voice and tried again. “What did you need to talk about?”

“I found him,” his excitement washed over Rafael, practically overwhelming him. “I found John!”

Rafael’s eyes immediately went down to Mickey’s bare wrist, where the boring name was spelt out in boyish block letters. “Are you sure?”

“Certain,” His smile was wide and wild. “He had _Michel_ in my hand on his wrist.” He couldn’t think of a word to say, so instead he forced a smile. “Well,” Mickey prodded. “Aren’t you going to say anything?”

“What do you need me to say?” Rafael sighed. “Congratulations? I’m happy for you? Because I am.”

He received a scowl in response. “You don’t sound it.”

“I am,” Rafael insisted. “But all I can think about at the moment is how much it’ll cost for me to move out on my own.”

“Really?” Mickey laughed. “Why don’t you just stay here?”

“Will _John_ be okay with that?” Rafael cocked his brow.

“I don’t see why not,” Mickey shrugged. “You can just move into the study--”

“You expect me--”

“Or I can,” he interrupted Rafael’s rant with the flick of his brow. “We can work this out.”

“As long as I get the bedroom--” Rafael teased softly. “I am happy for you, truly.”

“Come here,” Rafael allowed Mickey to pull him into a hug. After a few moments he let him go with a smile. “You know, this has to be the easiest break up I’ve ever had.”

“Oh, I don’t know,” a smirk curled onto Rafael’s face. “Now we can face each other in court. And you know I have an excellent win ratio.”

A loud laugh burst from Mickey. “Oh you’re on, Barba.”

“Wait and see, D’Angelo,” for now he’d let Mickey be cocky, but Rafael knew he would win. “Just wait and see.”

\--

It had been a good year for Trevor. Henshell and Langan was finally turning a profit, his brother had finally married Elizabeth Katherine Emily Brown, and Trevor was happily dating someone whose name wasn’t Rafael. For the first time in a long time Trevor felt as though he was finally happy.

That was until his partner, Ryan Henshell, dropped a case file on his desk. The firm had a pro-bono agreement, they were both supposed to share the cases, though Ryan would always find an excuse to pass them onto Trevor. He’d flash a smile and an apology before walking out the door. Normally Trevor wouldn’t mind, but when he saw his client’s name it bought back feelings he thought he had finally gotten over.

Rafael Rodríguez was surprisingly meek for a man accused of murder. He sat at the table, hunched over himself, his head in his hands. He was silently sobbing, and he flinched when Trevor lay a hand on his shoulder.

“D-don’t touch me,” Rafael’s voice cracked.

Trevor withdrew his hand and moved to sit down opposite him. He explained who he was, why he was there and what the next steps were. When he began to talk about trial strategies Rafael interrupted him. “I want to plead guilty.”

“Rafael--” He winced at his mistake. "Mr. Rodriguez--"

“I did it,” the room was so silent Trevor could hear his heart hammering against his rib cage. “I killed her.”

Trevor couldn’t help it, his eyes automatically looked down to Rafael’s wrists which were turned upwards for the world to see. His heart broke at the sight. There was nothing.

\--

“I’m seeing Nick.”

The words ran over him like ice through his veins. Not that he’d let her know that. Instead he sighed loudly and looked straight into Rollin’s eyes. “And?”

“And,” her striking sky blue eyes narrowed into slits. “I wanted to let you know this thing we have going between us? It’s over.”

He cocked his brow and leaned back in his chair. “I assumed it was over when you stopped calling months ago.”

“Well I--”

“You’re the one who called it ‘blowing off steam,’” he allowed his smirk to grow bigger, enjoying how it threw her off.   

Rollins collected herself and scowled at him. “I thought I’d be polite and let you know it’s _never_ going to happen again.”

“Is that all?” He leaned forward and picked up his pen. “I have some witness statements to go through.”

A shudder ran down his spine as he felt the glare Rollins shot him before she stormed out of his office, slamming the door behind her. He let out the breath he was holding and reached for the bottom draw of his desk. He pulled out the bottle of Lagavulin 14 year scotch he kept there and a tumblr before pouring himself two fingers. As he sipped on the liquor his gaze flicked to his office door and he hummed dejectedly.

The pen on his desk looked inviting, he picked it up and began to read through the witness statement. Besides, they would only take a few hours to go through.

\--

The _‘Has Bean’_ had opened around the corner from the courthouse two months ago and Trevor was potentially their best customer. He had begun to find himself frequenting the small coffee shop almost daily, occasionally sometimes more than once a day. The staff knew him by name and his coffee was always ready to go by the time he reached the counter.

Trevor’s newfound coffee obsession had everything to do with his current caseload, and nothing to do with the owner of said coffee shop. At least that’s what he kept telling himself.

Rafael Parera was a soft spoken man, and though he was several years younger than Trevor, he felt a real connection to Rafael. He always made a point of talking to Trevor, even when the cafe was clearly busy. He always asked after Trevor’s staff, after his cases, even after his family. The shy little smiles he offered and the occasional free pastry were slowly winning Trevor over.

It had taken weeks, but Trevor had finally worked up the courage to ask Rafael to dinner. That was of course when everything went wrong.

As he walked through the door, a sharply dressed man barrelled into him. Trevor was knocked to the floor and he found himself covered in steaming hot coffee. He looked up and into striking green eyes glaring from a handsome face. His attacker scoffed before he stepped over Trevor and walked straight out the door, heading in the direction of the courthouse.

“Lawyers, huh?” Rafael’s familiar laugh and proffered hand made Trevor’s stomach flutter.

Trevor allowed himself to relax and take the hand. As he was pulled to his feet, Trevor glanced at Rafael’s wrist. There was a swirl of brilliant colors; reds, greens, yellows. In the centre the name Sofia was written in a dainty script.

“You’ve found your soulmate?” Trevor couldn’t help but ask when he was finally standing.

“You noticed the tattoo?” Rafael held it up again for Trevor to examine more closely. “I haven’t found her, but when I do I want her to know I’ve always thought of her.” He pointed at Trevor’s cuff. “And yourself?”

“Not yet,” Trevor murmured. “Do you think you’ll find them?”

“I’m certain of it,” his confidence sent a shiver down Trevor’s spine. Rafael flashed a smile and placed a hand on Trevor’s shoulder. “And I am certain you will too.”

\--

_“You're wrong about him. Trust me.”_

_”Wait. Are you involved with him?”_

_”Don't ask me that.”_

 

Rafael had to remind himself to breathe. Inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale.

Olivia had been lying to him. Olivia was seeing Ed Tucker, she was _dating_ Ed Tucker. A man she had told Rafael that, on more than one occasion, she despised.

 

_“When were you gonna tell me? I am informing you that a captain at IAB may be involved in a sex trafficking ring, and you don't mention that the two of you are sleeping together?”_

 

The scotch in his hand had done nothing to calm his anger, the betrayal he felt. Nor had the previous two glasses. He couldn’t believe that Olivia had kept this from him. He had thought--

He had no idea what he had thought.

 

_“You're wrong about him. Bring him in here, ask him yourself.”_

_“You and I are done talking.”_

 

Rafael downed his scotch before he put the tumbler by the sink for him to rinse at a later time, and put the bottle of scotch back in his liquor cabinet. He walked over to his couch and allowed himself to sink into the leather. He felt numb. The thought of Olivia with Tucker bought up feelings he was never planning on acknowledging, ones he was hoping he would work through before it began to effect their working relationship.

He pulled his phone out and slowly entered the phone for One Police Plaza. With each ring his anxiousness grew. He knew what he had to do, but what was he was risking in the process? He closed his eyes, breathed in deeply and waited for the call to connect.

\--

Trevor rarely paid attention to the news these days, but he did have an interest in politics which was intensified when Rafael Schmidt announced that he was running for DA. Rafael was a small man with a poor comb over, a wife and three children. Even so, Trevor’s heart began to pound when he saw that Rafael’s wrist cover had come loose and a spiky capitol ‘T’ appeared from beneath his jacket.

Though Trevor had no interest in a married man, the poor quality image had made him curious. Even if he didn’t want to pursue a romantic relationship with Rafael, he still wanted to get to know his soulmate. That combined with the media’s speculation was how Trevor had found himself standing in the crowd at one of Rafael Scmidt’s rallies.

He was surprised by the large crowd that Rafael had drawn. He was just as unappealing as he appeared on television. Worse still was the rhetoric he was spouting, clearly pandering to the elite of New York city rather than the masses. A shudder ran through Trevor. If Rafael Schmidt turned out to actually be his soulmate he would turn and walk away. He didn’t want to get to know a man like that.

Once the speech was over, Trevor waited in line and waited for the chance to shake Rafael’s hand and catch a glimpse of the name on his wrist. When it was finally his turn, Trevor held out his hand. Rafael barely grasped it, the shake loose and unwelcome.

“Pleasure to meet you,” Rafael’s smile was almost as forced as his tone.

At a glance Trevor could tell the name on his wrist was not his own, but something far more feminine. He thanked Rafael again before he turned and pushed his way through the crowd of adoring fans. Trevor breathed a sigh of relief as he walked away from the mass of people, thankful that Rafael Schmidt wasn’t actually his soulmate. And several days later when he heard that Rafael had lost the election, he was relieved once again.

\--

Rafael wasn’t quite ready to get out of bed, he was warm, the company was good, and he felt content. That didn’t stop him from rolling over to watch his lover sleep. Sonny Carisi was an anomaly, but a welcome one. They had fallen into bed together one evening and discovered they had a surprising amount in common.

As he watched Sonny sleep, Rafael couldn’t help but frown. He knew there was an expiration date on their relationship. Sonny was a dreamer and had made it clear that he was hoping to find his soulmate sooner rather than later.

“I can feel him, Rafael,” he whispered excitedly. “I’ll meet him soon.”

Rafael didn’t know why he was drawn to the intricate lettering on Sonny’s wrist, yet every morning he would lay awake and trace the name over and over again. P-E-T-E-R. He wondered if Peter felt as confident as Sonny did, that they were slowly moving towards one another. It made Rafael long for something more than what he had.

Rafael glanced down at his own wrist, still covered by a soft leather cuff. Sonny had learned very early on not to remove it unless he wanted their time together to end. As he ran a finger over the soft leather something stirred within him. He reached for the top button and played with it for a moment before he slipped it from it’s hole.

For the first time in almost a lifetime Rafael unbuttoned his cuff, not to shower, but to look down at the name written in overly large, thick black letters. A small smile teased at the corner of his mouth as he took in his soulmate’s name. He ran a finger over the letter’s and a strange shiver ran up his spine. He’d never felt that before. He wondered if his soulmate had felt a similar tingle.

“Looking at your soulmate’s name?” The familiar Staten Island accent made him flinch.

Rafael reached for his cuff as he muttered his response. “Something like that.”

“Can I see,” Sonny grabbed his hand and stopped him from covering the name. “Please?”

He had never felt more vulnerable, still he nodded gently as he offered his wrist to Sonny. He watched as Sonny traced the name on his wrist.

“It suits you,” Sonny chuckled before he pressed a quick kiss to the lettering. “Trevor.”

\--

Whenever his siblings were in New York, Trevor made a point of having lunch with them. They rarely saw each other outside of Thanksgiving and Christmas nowadays. His brother had done his duty, and continued the Langan tradition by fathering two young boys. Trevor loved his nephews and doted on them every chance he was able. Their younger sister barely made time for her big brothers, she spent her days travelling the globe and writing for magazines.

Somehow the three of them had come together for brunch, and Trevor was stunned. The conversation had been easy and they left each other with the promise that they would talk again soon, which they likely wouldn’t keep. Still, it was nice to feel close to his siblings once again, and he left the restaurant with a smile on his face.

He held the door open for a couple then closed it gently behind them before he turned and ran straight into another couple. “Sorry,” he apologized as he gathered himself together.

“No problem, Langan,” Olivia’s familiar chuckle made him smile.

Beside Olivia stood a handsome, sharply dressed man with a rather large scowl on his features. Trevor felt his neck grow warm as he slowly raked his eyes over Trevor, a smirk quickly replaced his frown. “Of course you know him.”

“Oh, Detective Benson and I go back a long way,” Trevor smiled fondly at Olivia. Though they hadn’t always seen eye to eye he felt that they had grown to be friends whilst he had handled Olivia’s adoption of Noah.

Her friend clearly wasn’t interested. “Defense attorney?”

“Yes,” the answer was tentative. “I’m a partner at--”

“Of course you are,” he rolled his eyes as he scoffed.

“Rafael,” Trevor’s heart began to pound at the name, he could barely make out what Olivia was saying. “Play nice.”

“It’s alright, Olivia,” Trevor managed to pull himself together. He felt so foolish, that he still reacted to the name. “Prosecutors are always cocky, makes up for the lack of an actual personality.”

The small smile that curled onto Rafael’s face made his stomach flutter. “Rafael Barba,” he proffered his hand for Trevor to shake.

He accepted it eagerly. “Trevor Langan.”

Rafael’s eyes went slightly wide, but he quickly concealed whatever expression that was threatening to take over his face. If he hadn’t been shaking Rafael’s hand at the time, Trevor would have dismissed it as his mind wanting to find a connection. But he had felt Rafael’s grip tighten on his as soon as he had said his name. He swore he felt a spark between them, maybe it was just his imagination, but something out there told him that Rafael had felt it too.

\--

Rafael Barba had never wanted to find his soulmate, he preferred to forge his own destiny. Still, he couldn’t deny the way his heartbeat sped up when he heard Trevor Langan’s name for the first time. Nor could he ignore the spark he felt at Trevor’s touch.

In the end it had taken Rafael several days to work up the courage to ask Liv for Trevor’s number, and it almost hadn’t been worth it. The way she slowly wrote the digits on a piece of paper and waved it in front of Rafael, as though she wanted him to beg. He snatched it from her hand before he turned on his heel and strode out of her office, ignoring the snickering from behind him.

After that, Rafael decided to bite the bullet and call. Trevor picked up in seconds, as though he had expected the call. Maybe he had, because the first thing he did was ask Rafael out to dinner, which Rafael eagerly accepted. Dinner had been surprisingly easy, the conversation had remained light and teasing.

As they left the restaurant Trevor surprised him. He spread his large finger’s over Rafael’s hips and drew him close. He leaned down and whispered into Rafael’s ear. “Can I kiss you?”

“Yes,” Rafael hissed. “God, yes.”

Rafael’s heart stopped the moment Trevor’s mouth covered his. It felt as though time was standing still. His fingers sparked as he moved his hands up Trevor’s arms, one rested on his shoulder blades, the other hand tangled in his hair. Each kiss sent another jolt of electricity, another spark, through Rafael. When Trevor finally pulled away, Rafael leaned towards him, missing the contact already. When Trevor invited him back to his apartment, Rafael readily agreed.

Trevor’s apartment was smaller than he expected, but still spacious. As soon as Trevor locked the door behind him, Rafael grabbed him by the shoulder and pulled him into another kiss.

“Rafael, wait,” Trevor pulled away, he took a step back his hands raised. “Before we go any further we need to talk--”

He tried to feign ignorance. “About what?”

“The fact my name is on your wrist,” Trevor murmured gently. He reached for his own cuff and began to remove it. “And your’s is on mine.”

Rafael’s heart pounded as letter by letter his name was revealed, written in his own familiar hand. He took a step forward and grabbed Trevor’s wrist. He slowly traced the lettering, relishing each shiver he sent through his soulmate.

“Show me yours?” There was a slight tremble to the question. Trevor was nervous.

As he reached for his own cuff, Rafael flashed a smile. As each button came undone revealing the thick, block like letters that made up Trevor’s name. He held his wrist outwards and allowed Trevor to stroke each line of his name.

“I’ve spent my whole life looking for you.” Trevor’s honesty floored Rafael.

It also made him feel guilty. “I spent all of mine avoiding you.”

“Well then,” Trevor’s soft laughter made Rafael instantly relax. “We have some lost time to make up for.”

They spent the evening exploring one another’s body’s, learning each other in all ways. Light kisses, soft caresses, hands and mouths touching, teasing, tasting. With each gasp and moan that Trevor drew from him, Rafael wondered why he had wanted anything but his soulmate.

The next morning he awoke to the smell of breakfast being placed on the nightstand beside the bed. Trevor had a light smile on his face as he crawled back into bed to sit beside Rafael. He passed Rafael a cup of coffee before he lifted his own and took a sip.

“I’m so glad I found you,” Trevor smiled before he picked up a slice of buttered toast and took a bite.

“You say that now,” Rafael arched a brow as he sipped at his coffee. “But I’ve been told by many people I’m rather difficult to love.”

“You seem pretty easy to love,” Trevor teased as he passed Rafael a plate full of toast.

“If you love me,” Rafael chuckled, tearing at his toast, “you have to love all of me.”

“I’m sure that won’t be a problem.”

“You say that now,” Rafael couldn’t help the snarky tone, “but you’ve never faced me in court.”

“Bring it on, Barba,” Trevor cocked his head to the side before he tore a bite from his toast.

Laughter spilled forth from Rafael and Trevor soon followed, neither man quite able to believe the conversation they were having. Rafael leaned over and pressed a kiss to Trevor’s temple before he reached for his phone and checked his emails. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Trevor reach for a book and begin to read.

A small smile formed on Rafael’s face at the thought of how domestic they were behaving. It surprised him that he was one of the lucky few who found their soulmates, nor could he quite believe it was someone who appeared to be so suited to him. Rafael took a deep breath and sighed contentedly, he couldn’t wait to see what his future held. He had finally found his soulmate, he was happy.


End file.
